Ini 20 Perilaku Durhaka Suami Terhadap Istri Yang Dibenci Allah, No 7 Bikin Geleng Kepala! Bagikan Agar Banyak Para Suami Sadar dan Tidak Semena-mena Terhadap Istri

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Tanpa kita sadari dalam kehidupan keluarga tidak jarang para suami melakukan tindakan yang menyimpang dari ketentuan Allah SWT dan telah melanggar hak-hak isterinya. Oleh karena itu perlu sekali para suami mengetahui perbuatan-perbuatan yang oleh islam dikategorikan sebagai tindakan durhaka terhadap istri adapun beberapa perilaku yang sering suami lakukan adalah sebagai berikut :

1. Menjadikan Istri Sebagai Pemimpin Rumah Tangga

Dari Abu Bakrah,ia berkata: Rasulullah saw.bersabda: ‘tidak akan beruntung suatu kaum yang dipimpin oleh seorang wanita.’ (HR. Ahmad)

Rasul menyampaikan bahwa suatu kaum (termasuk didalamnya suami) tidak akan pernah memperoleh kejayaan atau keberuntungan bila menjadikan seorang wanita (termasuk istri) menjadi seorang pemimpin. bentuk ketidak beruntungan ini adalah hilangnya wibawa suami sehingga memberi peluang untuk istri berlaku sesukanya dalam mengatur rumah tangga tanpa memperdulikan pendapat suami (istilah kerennya IPSTI=ikatan Para Suami Takut Istri). menyuruh istri mencari nafkah dan mengatur urusan rumah tangga termasuk menjadikan istri sebagai pemimpin. suami yang berbuat demikian berarti melanggar ketentuan yang ditetapkan Allah dan Rasul-Nya. beberapa faktor penyebab kedurhakaan ini:

• suami seorang pemalas yang enggan memikul tanggung jawab sebagai kepala rumah tangga.
• suami telah uzdur sehingga tidak bisa menjalankan tugas dan kewajibannya sebagai pemimpin rumah tangga
• suami terlalu sibuk dengan pekerjaannya dan hobinya sehingga tidak bisa mengurus kepentingan keluarga selain hanya memberi uang belanja. tanggung jawab suami tidak hanya member nafkah, tapi juga harus membimbing isri dan anak anak dalam pembinaan akhlaq, aqidah,dan pergaulan sehari hari.

Mengingat besarnya tanggung jawab dan akibat yang ditimbulkan akibat kedurhakaan ini, suami wajib menghindari perbuatan tersebut.dan segera meminta maaf terhadap Istri dan bertaobat kepada Allah SWT.

2. Menelantarkan Belanja Istri

Dari ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr, ia berkata: Rasulullah bersabda: ‘seseorang cukup dipandang berdosa bila ia menelantarkan belanja orang yang menjadi tanggung jawabnya.’” (HR.Abu Dawud, Muslim, Ahmad,  Thabarani)

Hadis tersebut menerangkan bahawa suami yang menelantarkan belanja istri dan anaknya berarti telah melakukan dosa.

Seorang majikan yang menelantarkan gaji karyawannya sehingga merekan tidak bisa memenuhi kebutuhannya juga dikatakan dosa. Begitu juga seorang pemimpin yang menelantarkan kebutuhan rakyatnya, maka ia berdosa. Sudah menjadi ketetapan jika suami harus memberikan belanja kepada istri misal untuk makan minum, pakaian dan lain-lain yang dibutuhkan sesuai dengan tingkat kemampuannya.bila tidak maka suami telah durhaka terhadap istrinya.

Dari Aisyah ra, bahwa Hindun binti Utbah pernah berkata: ‘Wahai Rasulullah,sesungguhnya Abu Sufyan adalah orang yang kikir dan tidak mau memberikan kepadaku belanja yang cukup untuk aku dan anakku,sehingga terpaksa aku mengambil dari hartanya tanpa sepengetahuannya’. “beliau bersabda: ‘Ambillah sekadar cukup untuk dirimu dan anakmu dengan wajar.” (HR.Bukhari)

Hadits ini menerangkan bahwa istri yang diberi nafkah tidak sesuai dengan kebutuhannya padahal mempunyai harta yang cukup maka diperbolehkan mengambil sendiri harta itu tanpa sepengetahuan suaminya sekadar untuk memenuhi kebutuhannya dan anaknya secara wajar. Suami yang melakukan kedurhakaan ini mungkin disebabkan oleh:

• Suami kesal terhadap sikap boros istrinya,menurutnya istri tidak dapat mengatur keuangan dengan baik sehingga suami melakukan tindakan seperti itu. Tindakan tersebut tidak benar, jika suami melihat istrinya boros, tindakan pengajarannya tidak dengan mengabaikan belanja istri tapi dengan cara lain yang sekiranya tanpa mengabaikan tanggung jawab suami terhadap istri
• Suami punya selingkuhan,sehingga lupa akan istrinya dan keluarganya
• Suami lebih mementingkan kegemarannya sendiri (egois)
• Istri punya penghasilan sendiri jadi suami beranggapan tidak perlu lagi memberi uang belanja sendiri
• Suami lebih mementingkan saudaranya. Hal ini sungguh kesalahan yang besar karena orang yang wajib ditanggungnya adalah orang tuanya, istri dan anaknya, bukan saudaranya.

Suami hendaknya menyadari bahwa selama ia menelantarkan belanja istri, selama itulah ia berdosa kepada istrinya. Oleh karena itu ia wajib meminta maaf kepada istrinya dan selanjutnya bertaubat kepada Allah. Ia wajib menyadari bahwa tidak membelanjai istri termsuk mendurhakai Allah SWT. Dosanya tidak hanya kepada istri tapi juga terhadap Allah SWT.

3. Tidak Memberi Tempat Tinggal Yang Aman

“Tempatkanlah mereka(para istri)di tempat kalian bertempat tinggal menurut kemampuan kalian dan janganlah menyusahkan mereka untuk menyempitkan(hati) mereka. Jika mereka (istri yang di thalaq) itu sedang hamil,berikanlah kepada mereka nafkahnya sampai mereka melahirkan…” (QS. Ath-Thalaaq : 6)

Allah menjelaskan untuk para suami yang menceraikan istrinya diwajibkan untuk tetap memberikan tempat tinggal untuknya selama masa iddah dan tidak boleh mengurangi belanja istrinya atau mengusirnya dari rumah karena ingin menyusahkan hatinya atau memaksanya mengembalikan harta yang pernah diberikan kepadanya atau tujuan lain.

Jika mantan istrinya yang masih dalam masa iddah saja harus mendapatkan hak nafkan dan tempat tinggal yang baik, maka lebih utama dan lebih wajib lagi bagi istri sahnya untuk mendapatkan perlakuan yang lebih baik dari itu.

4. Tidak Melunasi Mahar

Dari Maimun Al-Kurady, dari bapaknya ia berkata: “saya mendengar nabi saw.(bersabda): Siapa saja laki laki yang menikahi seorang perempuan dengan mahar sedikit atau banyak, tetapi dalam hatinya bermaksud tidak akan menunaikan apa yang menjadi hak perempuan itu,berarti ia telah mengacuhkannya. Bila ia mati sebelum menunaikan hak perempuan itu,kelakpada hari kiamat ia akan bertemu dengan Allah sebagai orang yang fasiq…”(HR. Thabarani, Al-Mu’jamul Ausath II/237)

Menurut Hadits ini seorang suami yang telah menetapkan mahar untuk istrinya,tetapi kemudian tidak membayarkan mahar yang dijanjikan kepada istrinya,berarti menipu atau mengicuh istrinya. Jika ia tidak memiliki mahar maka ia boleh mengutang kepada istrinya. Dalam QS.Al-Baqarah(2):237 menerangkan bahwa “jika kalian menceraikan istri istri kalian sebelum kalian bercampur dengan mereka, padahal kalian sudah menentukan maharnya, bayarlah separuh dari mahar yang telah kalian tentukan itu,kecuali jika istri istri kalian itu telah memaafkan atau dimaafkan oleh orang yang memegang ikatan nikah. Pemberian maaf kalian itu adalah lebih dekat kepada taqwa. Janganlah kalian melupakan kebaikan antara sesama kalian.sesungguhnya Allah maha melihat apa yang kalian kerjakan.”.

Suami yang berutang mahar kepada istrinya dengan niat tidak akan melunasinya harus mempertanggung jawabkannya di akhirat kelak. Suami yang tidak melunasi maharnya mungkin sekali disebabkan oleh banyak faktor.

Diantaranya adalah, suami beranggapan bahwa mahar sudah tidak perlu lagi ia berikan karena sekarang sudah menjadi satu keluarga, menurutnya tidak ada perhitungan hutang piutang bagi orang yang sudah terikat dalam hubungan suami istri. bisa jadi juga karena sang istri tidak pernah menagih sehingga suami beranggapan istri tidak lagi memerlukannya.

Apapun alasan yang menjadikan dasar untuk suami melakukan kedurhakaan ini tetap tidak dibenarkan. Karena segala macam utang wajib dilunasi baik oleh suami maupun istri dan untuk melunasinya tidak perlu menunggu ditagih.

5. Menarik Mahar Tanpa Keridhoan Istri

(20) “Jika kalian (para suami) ingin mengganti istri dengan istri yang lain,sedang kalian telah memberikan kepada salah seorang diantara mereka itu mahar yang banyak,janganlah kalian mengambilnya kembali sedikitpun. Apakah kalian kalian akan mengambilnya kembali dengan cara cara yang licik dan dosa yang nyata?(21) Bagaimana kalian akan mengambilnya kembali,sedangkan kalian satu dengan lainnya sudah saling bercampur (sebagai suami istri) dan mereka ( istri istri kalian) telah membuat perjanjian yang kokoh dngan kalian,” (QS.An-Nisaa : 20-21)

Ayat tersebut dengan teas mencela suami yang memnta atau menarik kembali mahar yang telah diberikan kepada istrinya, baik sebagian maupun seluruhnya. Tujuan islam menetapkan mahar dalam perkawinan adalah untuk menghormati kedudukan istri yang pada jaman sebelum islam tidak mendapatkan hak untuk memiliki dan menguasai harta kekayaan apapun, baik dari orang tuanya maupun suaminya.

Disamping itu mahar merupakan lambang kekuasaan perempuan yang diberikan oleh islam untuk menentukan pilihan atas laki laki yang akan mempersuntingnya. faktor yang menyebabkan suami melakukan tindakan ini mungkin disebabkan oleh:

• Suami kesal atas perlakuan dan pelayanan istrinya yang dianggapnya tidak sesuai dengan harapanya. cara ini jelas salah karena suami hendaknya menasehati dengan cara cara yang sudah ditetapkan dalam syari’at islam
• Suami hendak mendapatkan modal kerja.jika ini terjadi suami hendaknya meminta ijin kepada istrinya dan jika istri menolak maka tidak boleh mengambilnya secara paksa
• Suami ingin menikah lagi. tindakan ini juga tidak benar karena suamin harus mengetahui bahwa istri juga punya hak untuk tidak dimadu

Suami yang terlanjur menarik maharnya hendaknya segera meminta maaf kepada istriya dan memohon ampun kepada Allah SWT.

6. Melanggar Persyaratan Istri

“Hai orang orang yang beriman, penuhilah janji janji kalian..”(QS.Al-Maaidah(5):1)

“Dari Uqbah bin “Amir ra,ia berkata: Rasulullah saw bersabda: ‘Syarat yang palling berhak untuk kalian penuhi ialah syarat yang menjadikan kalian halal berwenggama dengan istri kalian.’ (HR.Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidzi, Abu Dawud, Ibnu Majah, Ahmad dan Darimi)

Allah memerintahkan orang orang yang beriman untuk memenuhi janji yang dibuatnya dengan orang orang yang terlibat dengan perjanjian. Dalam Hadits tersebut Rasulullah saw menerangkan suami istri harus memenuhi perjanjian yang telah dibuatnya,bahkan perjanjian seperti itu paling patut dipenuhi dengan sebaik baiknya. Islam membenarkan pemberian syarat yang diajukan oleh pihak istri maupun keluarga istri selama tidak bertentangan dengan syariat islam kepada calon suami.

7. Mengabaikan Kebutuhan Seksual Istri

Dari anas ra,Nabi saw bersabda: “jika seseorang diantara kalian bersenggama dengan istrinya,hendaklah ia melakukannya dengan penuh kesungguhan. Selanjutnya, bila ia telah menyelesaikan kebutuhannya (mendapat kepuasan) sebelum istrinya mendapatkan kepuasan, janganlah ia buru buru (mencabut penisnya) sampai istrinya menemukan kepuasan.” (HR.’ Abdur Razzaq dan Abu Ya’la, Jami’ Kabir II/19/1233)

Rasullullah saw bersabda:”janganlah sekali kali seseorang diantara kalian menyenggamai istrinya seperti seekor hewan bersenggama,tetapi hendaklah ada pendahuluan diantara keduanya. ada yang bertanya, apakah pendahuluan itu?” beliau bersabda : “ciuman dan ucapan (romantis).” (HR Abu Syaikh)

Memenuhi kebutuhan seksual istri yaitu mengusahakan agar istri mendapatkan kepuasan sebagaimana yang suami dapatkan. Bagaimanapun caranya (minum jamu kek, olah raga kek, minum obat kuat kek atow ke make rot) pokoknya suami harus berusaha memperhatikan kebutuhan seksual istri dan tidak boleh mengabaikannya karena berarti melanggar perintah agama.

8. Menyenggamai Istri Saat Haidh

“Mereka bertanya kepadamu tentang haidh, katakanlah:’ haidh itu adalah suatu kotoran.’ Oleh karena itu hendaklah kalian menjauhkan diri dari wanita pada waktu haidh dan janganlah kalian mendekati mereka sebelum mereka bersuci. Apabila mereka telah suci,campurilah mereka ditempat yang diperintahkan Allah kepada kalian. Sesungguhnya Allah menyukai orang orang yang bertaubat dan menyukai orang orang yang menyucikan diri.” (QS Al-Baqarah : 222)

Wanita yang sedang haidh berada dalam keadaan sakit.maksudnya ialah mengalami keadaan yang membuat kesehatannya terganggu karena keluarnya darah kotor dari dalam rahimnya.. menyenggamai istri saat haidh adalah suatu perbuatan yang dilarang karena sama halnya dengan menyakitinya dan merupakan suatu tindakan yang mengganggu keselamatannya.

Disebut darah kotor karena didalamnya terkandung bibit penyakit yang jika dipaksa melakukan hubungan sekseual bakteri-bakteri tersebut tidak hanya menjangkiti milik istri tapi juga milik laki laki juga ikut terserang. Lagi pula apa nggak ngerasa jijik apa?

Selain itu wanita yang dalam keadaan nifas uga dilarang utnuk disetubuhikaren menurut ahli bagian dalam dari alat vitalnya terluka jadi tidak memungkinkan untuk diajak bersetubuh. Dalam kehidupan berumah tangga bukan tidak mungkin suami melakukan tindakan ini. Hal ini mungkin dilakukan dikarenakan :

• Suami tidak bisa menahan diri (hypersex) untuk tidak bercampur dengan istrinya.
• Suami ingin melakukan keluarga berencana.melakukan KB boleh tapi tidak dengan cara ini.

Sungguh berdosa bagi suami yang melakukan perbuatan keji yang menyakiti dirinya dan istrinya.

9. Menyenggamai Istri lewat Duburnya

Dari Ibnu Abbas, ia berkata: “Umar (Ibnu Khaththa) datang kepada Rosulullah saw, ia bertanya:’Ya Rosullullah, saya telah binasa.’ Beliau bertanya:’ apa yang menyebabkan kamu binasa?’ Ia menjawab: “semalam saya telah membalik posisi istriku. Namun beliau tidak menjawab sedikitpun, lalu turun kepada Rasulullah saw ayat. “Istri kalian adalah ladang bagi kalian, maka datangilah ladang kalian dimana dan kapan saja kalian kehendaki. (selanjutnya Beliau bersabda: ‘Datangilah dari depan atau belakang,tetapi jauhilah dubur dan ketika haidh.'” ( HR Tirmidzi)

Perbuatan menyenggamai istri pada duburnya merupakan tindakan yang membinasakan pribadi muslim, setiap suami muslim wajib menjauhinya, karena hal ini merupakan tindakan yang dimurkai oleh Allah dan merupakan kedurhakaan terhadap istri.

10. Menyebarkan Rahasia Hubungan Dengan Istri

Hubungan suami istri haruslah dilakukan ditempat yang tidak terlihat orang lain,bahkan suaranya pun tak boleh terdengar orang lain. Suami istri wajib menjaga kehormatan masing masing apalagi dihadapan orang lain. Suami yang menyebarkan rahasia diri dan istrinya ketika bersenggama berarti telah melakukan perbuatan durhaka terhadap istri.

11. Menuduh Istri Berzina Tanpa Bukti dan Saksi

(6) “dan orang orang yang menuduh istri mereka berzina,padahal mereka tidak mempunyai saksi saksi selain diri mereka sendiri,maka kesaksian satu orang dari meeka adalah bersumpah empat kalli dengan nama Allah bahwa sesungguhnya dia adalah termasuk orang orang yang benar(dalam tuduhannya) (7) dan kelima kalinya(ia mengucapkan) bahwa laknat Allah akan menimpa dirinya jika ternyata ia tergolong orang orang yang berdusta.” (QS.An-Nuur : 6-7)

Ayat tersebut memberi ketentuan untuk melindungi istri dari tuduhan suami. Karena tuduhan itu dapat merusak kehormatan dan harga diri istri. Oleh karena itu perlu dilakukan pengaturan ketat agar suami tidak sembarangan menuduh istrinya berzina tanpa saksi dan bukti yang dipertanggung jawabkan menurut syari’at Islam.

12. Memeras Istri

“ …Dan janganlah kalian menerukan ikatan pernikahan dengan mereka(istri-istri) guna menyusahkan mereka. Barang siapa berbuat demikian, maka sungguh dia telah menganiaya dirinya sendiri…” (QS.Al-Baqarah(2):231)
Motif yang menyebabkan suami tega melakukan perbuatan tercela ini mungkin adalah sebagai berikut :

• Suami bermaksud mendapatkan harta istri melalui permintaan cerai istri,karena dalam islam jika istri minta cerai suami berhak mengambil kembali maharnya atau minta tebusan istri
• Suami ingin menikah lagi, jadi membuat tipu daya agar istri tidak tahan lalu minta cerai
• Suami ingin hidup enak tanpa bekerja keras.

13. Merusak Martabat Istri

Dari mu’awiyah Al-Qusrayiri,ia berkata:”saya pernah datang kepada Rosulullah saw.’ Ia berkata lagi:’saya lalu bertanya:  Ya Rosulullah, apa saja yang engkau perintahkan(untuk kami perbuat) terhadap istri-istri kami?’ Beliau bersabda:’…janganlah kalian memukul dan janganlah kalian menjelek-jelekan mereka.’” (HR Abu Dawud no 1832)

Nabi saw melarang para suami menjelek jelekan atau merendahkan martabat istri. Suami dilarang menggunakan kata yang bernada merendahkandan menghina martabat istri baik di hadapannya maupun dihadapan orang lain. Walaupun istri berasal dari kdeluarga yang lebih rendah status ekonominya dibanding dirinya.

Adapun tindakan tindakan tercela suami terhadap istri yang lainnya yang tidak sempat dante jabarkan diblog ini karena memang waktunya tidak cukup jika semua dijabarkan satu persatu. Adalah sebagai berikut :

14. Memukul (Tanpa Peringatan Terlebih Dahulu)

15. Menyenangkan Hati Istri Dengan Melanggar Agama

16. Mengajak Istri Berbuat Dosa

17. Memadu Istri Dengan Saudari Atau Bibinya

18. Berat Sebelah Dalam Menggilir Istri

19. Menceraikan Istri Solehah

20. Mengusir Istri Dari rumah

Demikianlah beberapa perbuatan tercela yang dibenci Oleh Allah SWT dan merupakan kedurhakaan terhadap istri yang jika para suami langgar maka rahmat dan nikmat Allah tidak akan mereka rasakan.

Semoga Bermanfaat. Boleh dishare untuk yang lain.

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